One woman’s view on life after divorce. How to move on and live happy & healthy without torturing your mind and soul about being alone…
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely
being alone can be.
– Ellen Burstyn
In the beginning…
Life after divorce, no it is not a myth, nor is it a fallacy. It actually can happen, and when you do realize that there really is life after divorce, it is so very sweet. At some point in every person’s life, one can feel that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, the sun will not come out tomorrow, there is not and never was a friggin pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…need I continue?
I am sure you have heard of divorce being compared to a death, it does hold some truth. The death of a relationship that has run its course, certainly does not mean the death of you! It is so easy to fall into the whole pity thing, actually it is probably necessary to do the pity “poor me”, “why me” schtick for a little while. However, I don’t know about you but I never did well with other people hosting my pitty party. Nope, I wanted all the glory for that big bash. It is however inevitable, that you may have times when you walk into a room (just like you see in movies) and there is a sudden hush. It could possibly be your first outing since your marriage went bust. When you left your house, you actually felt good, probably for the first time in ages. You actually thought you looked pretty hot, ready to put yourself out there (like everyone has been nagging at you to do) just jump right back into the land of the living! Then that dreaded silence, honestly, between you and me, you are just being uber sensitive. Seriously, who cares what people are saying. At the end of the day, or party for that matter, when you are back at home in your little cocoon, does it really matter what people have said, let alone THINK? There must have been a time when you might have been the one to elbow your best friend, to follow it with a nasty comment about someone. Uh huh, see, you are re-calling that memory right now. Do you think that whomever you were ripping to shreds really cared about what YOU thought of them. You got it, they didn’t care, nor should you. Your business is exactly that, YOUR business.
One of the first things I thought of when contemplating ending my marriage was, damn, what are people going to say? More so, what were my “friends” from high school going to say….seriously?! When I actually realized what I was thinking. I nearly had to bang my head against the wall to knock some sense in. I literally had to shake my head to re-focus. Once I regained my composure and stopped worrying about everyone else, there was no looking back. My life was about to change. Wait, that is a bit of an understatement. Let me rephrase that; my whole living, breathing existence was about to explode,do you kinda get my drift?
Now perhaps I should somehow start at the beginning and give you a little back round of my upbringing. I am the youngest of three children, born to parents who were raised in the generation of doing what was right and what would the neighbours think. By no means am I here to criticize or ridicule my parents and the way they lived their lives and raised me and my siblings. I turned out pretty damn good!
Life was different, if a couple did not get along, tough luck. Find a way to make it work, which is what I believe my parents did. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were amazing providers and I feel that we were in our own dysfunctional way, a very loving family.
I think I grew up with hopes and dreams as most little girls have. You know, white picket fence, nice house, car, kids, dog, and yup Prince Charming. Yes, Prince Charming was supposed to ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet and we would live happily ever after. Never , EVER having to contemplate Divorce. Well , that dream sure went down the toilet. Funny thing is, looking back, I was living in a mist. It was like, if I keep trying to make this work, it will. I actually just woke up one day and said to myself, “I cannot live my life unhappy anymore”. It was like a weight was lifted. So, I started to make my husbands life pretty miserable from then on. I think in the back of my mind I knew he was being unfaithful (and had been for quite some time). Instead of just letting him go out at night to leave me home alone with our 8 year old daughter and newborn son, I started to question and accuse his intentions. Of course that was taking the fast track to destruction, which by the way was hell.
Let me ask you, are you starting to get the feeling that you are not